Wrestling with Angels (excerpt from Tonya's Book)

Where was I when we drew for sleeping assignments?I must have missed that night because I definitely got stuck with the short stick. Jay is old enough to put himself to sleep, and you put Teddy to bed, which is just great cause, half the time, Teddy asks to go to bed. Three sucks on his milk jug and he's out. Which means you put in about 4 minutes and then you're sitting in your chair watching T.V. Which leaves me with Tommy.
We climb up on that creaky bunk bed and I watch him do back-flips for an hour. It's like trying to put a chimpanzee on a sugar rush to sleep. Even after his head has seemingly gone to sleep, his body is awake for another 30 minutes.
I have concluded that Tommy wrestles with angels. I've come to this conclusion because a) I've had way too much time to think about it lying next to him for hours every night and b) it's a better image than sleeping with a chimp.
Of course, there some good things that happen while t is entering round 57 with the angel Gabriel. It gives me time to think. I know you're thinking if that really is a "good" thing. I assure you it is...most of the time.
I lie there in their room, painted like a beach, listening to the hum of the heater. I look at the glow-in-the-dark plastic stars on their ceiling. (By the way, Tommy's favorite star is the big one over his bed. I know this because we have had many lengthy and in-depth discussions on the subject).
As Tommy twitches, the hum of the heater becomes the crashing of the ocean; the sky is real and the the beach is Ocean City, NJ. I am 21 years old. I used to go to the beach at night, lie on the sand dunes and look at the sky. I would think about the Greeks and Romans who would study this same sky, thousands of years ago, searching for the will of the gods to be revealed, looking for their destiny. I could not see my destiny in that sky. I did not see your face or the children.Nothing. At that point in my life, I think I was more focused on the black void than the bright stars.
I think about our destiny now, and our families future. When I think of our young trio going to high school and beyond, it seems as distant as the stars in the winter sky. But, I well know, it is as close as the ones on our son's ceiling.

Ssshhh...Tommy's finally asleep.

copyright2007 T.Ewing